


Not Ever

by Claire_B_Liv



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Believe in Swan Queen, Blood and Violence, Dark, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, References to Depression, Swan Queen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-05 04:05:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claire_B_Liv/pseuds/Claire_B_Liv
Summary: This story is set after the Final Battle, a few months after Henry's departure. Season 7 doesn't exist. Regina finds herself heavily tormented by an unsuspected event. No one can know about this. Not ever.





	1. Dead Meat

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first fan fiction ever. I hope I did these great characters justice. It will be dark and angsty. Rated M.
> 
> This story is set after the Final Battle, a few months after Henry's departure. Season 7 doesn't exist. Regina finds herself heavily tormented by an unsuspected event. No one can know about this. Not ever.
> 
> I figured I'd suggest a song you can listen to for each chapter. The music itself and the lyrics I'll quote will give you a taste of the atmosphere they convey.
> 
> **Here's for Chapter 1 : Dead Meat, by Sean Lennon, 2006**
> 
> "Dead meat
> 
> Don't you know you're dead meat
> 
> You just messed with the wrong team
> 
> Better not try and fall asleep now
> 
> You'd better run out of here
> 
> I'll close my eyes and count to
> 
> Ten and then I'll come find you
> 
> Yeah
> 
> You're gonna get what you deserve
> 
> Gonna get what you deserve
> 
> In the end you're gonna learn
> 
> How you get what you deserve"
> 
> _____
> 
> The characters in the following story belong to ABC.

**Chapter 1 : Dead Meat**

Cold. It was freaking cold these days. But Emma had decided to go for a walk. At 3 a.m.? She couldn't sleep anyway. Just like the night before. She couldn't pinpoint the origin of the awkward feeling that seemed to linger at the back of her throat. She left home, as quiet as a mouse, and shivered as the night air engulfed her tired body. Step after step, she tried to steady her heartbeat and focus on her breathing. Storybrooke was fast asleep. It was so peaceful in here. Years had passed since the final battle, and new beginnings felt good. Freaking cold, but good. Jesus, she should have opted for a warmer jacket. Her mother would have known better. Of course she would...

Still lost in thought, Emma walked past Regina's mansion. Henry had left a few months before, leaving her on her own. Madam Mayor made her so proud. She pondered over everything they had gone through. What a challenge this woman used to be! Danger incarnate. Insidious, vicious, carnivorous danger. How could she ever forget their first encounter? And she... Wait a minute. Emma took a few steps back. The front door was ajar. As she carefully made her way to the porch, she realised the lights were out. Something wasn't right. She had to check for herself.

"Hello?" Emma entered the lobby, squinting as she tried to get accustomed to the darkness. "Regina, are you here?" No answer. She retrieved her phone from her back pocket and turned on the flashlight to scan her surroundings. No one. She climbed the stairs and approached the master bedroom. Everything was neat, as usual. Henry's room and the spare room were empty as well. Nothing seemed out of place, except that Regina was nowhere to be found. Emma went back downstairs and headed for the kitchen. In an instant, fear seemed foreign to describe what was going on in her head. "No, no, no! Regina!" Her friend was lying face down on the floor. She switched on the lights and rushed by her side to check her pulse.

_____________________

**Three weeks before**

It was almost midnight when Regina said goodbye to the Charmings. What a lovely family dinner it had been. Even Zelena was there, with little Robin. With Henry away, she cherished every moment she could spend with them. The past few years had been the most peaceful she had ever known. Madam Mayor was a Queen, in Storybrooke, and it was ok. She couldn't remember the last time she experienced fear or hatred in the eyes of a fellow citizen. She felt loved and respected. She felt alive. Instead of driving home, she parked near the seafront, where Henry's castle used to be. She was getting used to being alone, but she sometimes needed to feel close to him. She found a bench to sit on and took her time to relish the beauty of the night sky. After a while, she closed her eyes to take in the music of the waves lashing on the shore. It was perfect. Sleep was slowly taking over her mind when she felt a hand land on her shoulder.

"Emma, if you wanted to congratulate me on my apple pie, you could hav... Oh, sorry sir, I thought you were someone else."

The man she beheld was rather young but something in his demeanour was telling otherwise. He gazed at her without saying a word. Regina stood up and approached him.

"Can I help you? Are you ok, sir?"

She tried to recall seeing him before but she couldn't. That was odd. The Mayor took pride in claiming that she knew everybody in Storybrooke. In 28 years of curse, you get to know your own people for sure. The man let his hands dangle to his sides and kept staring at her. This time, she could tell he was about to say something. The sadness in his eyes reminded her of darker times. All of a sudden, he dropped to his knees and burst out crying. Regina was taken aback, she crouched and extented her hand to help him up. He grabbed her wrist and held her still. At first, she thought he was trying to steady himself but when he wouldn't let go, she sensed something was wrong. She tried to stand up but he pulled her back.

"What are y..."

The man took out a knife from his breast pocket and gave the Queen a devilish smile. The instant fear that struck Regina left her helpless. Frozen in time. She felt the cold blade run through her flesh, right above her hip. No sound escaped her parted lips. No one could hear her anyway. He stood up and kicked her hard. She was now lying on her back, blood streaming down her face.

"What do you want from me?" she gasped. "What did I ever do to you? Talk to me, I don't want to hurt you!"

"Maybe," he replied. "But I certainly want to hurt you, Your Majesty."

The man swiftly knelt astride her and reached for her throat. The pressure applied on her wound was unbearable.

"Let me go, I can make it right!"

"Never."

Regina couldn't think straight anymore. All she could feel was pain. And with a magical twist of the hand, she snapped his neck.


	2. Doing the Right Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Here is chapter 2 of this angsty fic.
> 
> **Suggested song : Doing the Right Thing, by Daughter, 2016**
> 
> And they're making children  
> And they're making love  
> With their old excuses  
> We are built for reproduction  
> But I find it soothing  
> When I am confined  
> I'm just fearing one day soon  
> I'll lose my mind
> 
> Then I'll lose my children  
> Then I'll lose my love  
> Then I'll sit in silence  
> Let the pictures soak  
> Out of televisions  
> Float across the room  
> Whisper into one ear  
> And out the other one
> 
> Then I'll take my clothes off  
> And I'll walk around  
> Because it's so nice outside  
> And I like the way the sun feels  
> And when it's dark  
> I'll call out in the night for my mother  
> But she isn't coming back for me  
> Cause she's already gone  
> But you will not tell me that  
> Cause you know it hurts me everytime you say it  
> And you know you're doing the right thing  
> You must know you're doing the right thing
> 
> I have lost my children  
> I have lost my love  
> I just sit in silence  
> Let the pictures soak  
> Out of televisions
> 
> And they're making children  
> Everyone's in love  
> I just sit in silence  
> Let the pictures soak
> 
> _______________
> 
> The characters in the following story belong to ABC.

**Chapter 2 : Doing the Right Thing**

"Regina, wake up."

Emma gently stroked her cheek and ajusted the damp cloth she had placed on her forehead. Regina frowned a little and slowly came to her senses.

"Emma?" She replied faintly. "Where am I?"

"You're home."

"What happened?" She tried to sit up on her couch but the blonde gave her no choice.

"Stay still for now, I found you unconscious on the kitchen floor. You scared the hell out of me. I thought you were dead..."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say..."

Her confusion was genuine, but Emma could tell that there was more to it. She had to tread carefully.

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"Well, I couldn't sleep, so I went outside to clear my head. And I..."

As hard as she tried to hide it, she shivered at the recollection. Swan put her hands over hers.

"What happened? You can tell me, you know that."

Regina was at a loss, holding back tears that were begging to come out. She took a deep breath. A white lie wouldn't hurt, would it?

"I started feeling dizzy so I went back inside for some water. I remember standing in the kitchen, and then I think I just blacked out. It's nothing, really. I told you, I find it hard to sleep. I guess my body is not as strong as it used to be. I'm sorry, I didn't want you to see me like this."

She gave Emma a kind smile but the blonde knew better than to fall for it.

"Your sleep. Is it about Henry? It must be hard for you to be on your own..." she tried.

"I'm fine, Emma. I think you should go."

She paused for a second and then stood up, leading the way to the front door. A muffled moan escaped her mouth after a few steps.

"Regina, what are you hiding from me?"

"I'd like to be alone, Miss Swan."

Emma couldn't believe she had just been miss-swanned. But the dark glimmer in Regina's eyes was crystal clear. Without a word, she fetched her jacket and exited the mansion.

_________________________________

**Three weeks before**

_The weight of the lifeless body above mine left me breathless. I rolled on my side and managed to get free from the dreadful embrace. I tried to stand, but my legs wouldn't hold me just yet. The pain made me cringe. The amount of blood pooling around us was appalling. I don't know what came over me, I just made him disappear. It was too late to turn back then. I used the energy I got left to teleport myself home. What I saw in the mirror can't be unseen. I saw the blood, I saw the pain, I saw anger too. His anger. I can't escape my past. I thought I had come to terms with it but I can't make up for everything I did. I thought I'd be able to control myself but, once more, I couldn't. What is wrong with me? So I crashed my mirrors. All of them. I have shed all of my clothes. I can't stand the sight of them either. My face is healed but I shall let the stab wound be. I deserve this.  
_

_We have travelled far together but this is my cross to bear. Forgive me, Henry._

_No one can know about this. Not ever._

Regina shut her diary and closed her eyes. A silent tear rolled down her cheek. After a moment's hesitation, she threw the book into the fireplace and made it burn to ashes.

The heavy rain that poured that night was enough to wash the blood away from the shore, but the maddening storm that raged in the Queen's head was only starting spreading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting chapter 3 today as well. See you next week for chapter 4.
> 
> Feel free to leave comments!
> 
> Cheers :)


	3. Ruled by Secrecy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Here's chapter 3 :)
> 
> **Suggested song : Ruled by Secrecy, by Muse, 2003**
> 
> Repress and restrain  
> Steal the pressure and the pain  
> Wash the blood off your hands  
> This time she won't understand
> 
> Change in the air  
> And they'll hide everywhere  
> And no one knows who's in control
> 
> You're working so hard  
> And you're never in charge  
> Your death creates success  
> Rebuild and suppress
> 
> Change in the air  
> And they'll hide everywhere  
> And no one knows who's in control
> 
> _________________
> 
> The characters in the following story belong to ABC.

**Chapter 3 : Ruled by Secrecy**

_Henry's castle might be gone, but Henry is everywhere. Storybrooke is just like him. Fierce, warm, full of hope. What do you call someone who can save a saviour? A super-saviour? Well, Henry is my super-saviour then. I wonder what he's doing now. This kid will never cease to amaze me. "This kid is amazing, right?" I turn to Regina, sitting next to me on the bench. She's looking at me but doesn't say a word. "Regina, are you ok?" She slowly stands up and lets her hands dangle to her sides. She's about to talk but holds back. I come close and lay my hands on her shoulders, hoping to soothe whatever sorrow she's not allowing to express. She tilts her head, her eyes still glued to mine, and before I can realise it, she's choking me with all her might. My legs are weak and I suddenly find myself lying on my back. Regina is straddling me._

_"Regina, stop! I don't want to hurt you!"_

_"Maybe, but I certainly want to hurt you, Your Majesty."_

_I see the dagger in her hand and then feel the cold blade run through my flesh. The pain is unbearable. I close my eyes for a second and when I flick them open, Regina's gone. A man is towering over me, a devilish smile growing on his face. I hear thunder. A heavy rain starts pouring, blurring my vision. My hands are dripping with blood. The locks of hair that stick to my face are not mine anymore._

"Regina!"

"Are you ok, Love?"

Emma was out of breath. Awakened from the horror she had just experienced. It was so real that she could still feel the pain from the stab wound. So real that she could see the crimson fluid covering her hands, taste it in her mouth.

"Emma, you're hurt!"

"It can't be! It was just a dream..."

"What are you talking about?"

"There was a man... I think he... I gotta find Regina."

"Emma, wait! You need help!"

"I need to go, now!"

Ignoring Killian's warnings, she disappeared in a cloud of white smoke.

_________________________

**Two weeks before**

Regina wasn't able to sleep at night. Not anymore. The taste of copper at the back of her mouth made her sick. Everytime she closed her eyes, he was there. The man with the strange demeanour. Throttling her, straddling her, making her pay for her sins. And everytime she would fail finding another way. On and on, her mind kept racing. It was her fault. It was all her fault. She went through every Storybrooke register she could find. To no avail. There was no trace of him. At times, she even wondered if it happened at all. But the lacerating ache that pounded on her side was a bitter reminder of the truth.

In the face of the world, she would be ok. Regina Mills, slayer of weakness. Determined, unfathomable Regina. As she shuffled through her living room, discarding the frugal dinner she had been trying to swallow, she caught a glimpse of her wretched self in what remained of the looking class.

"Regina's dead," she whispered to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen when Emma stands up to the Queen? What will become of Regina? See you next week for Chapter 4 :)
> 
> Feel free to leave comments!
> 
> Cheers :)


	4. Friend, please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This part 4 of this fic. Emma faces Regina. What will happen when the Queen refuses to acknowledge the truth?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested song : Friend Please, by Twenty One Pilots, 2009
> 
> I feel for you, but when did you believe you were alone?  
> You say that spiders crawled inside and made themselves a home  
> Where light once was
> 
> Petrified of who you are and who you have become  
> You will hide from everyone, denying you need someone  
> To exterminate your bones
> 
> Friend, please remove your hands from  
> Over your eyes for me  
> I know you want to leave but  
> Friend, please don't take your life away from me
> 
> Living like a ghost you walk by everyone you know  
> You say that you're fine but you have lost your sway and glow  
> So I stopped by to let you know
> 
> Friend, please remove your hands from  
> Over your eyes for me  
> I know you want to leave but  
> Friend, please don't take your life away from me
> 
> Would you let me know your plans tonight?  
> 'Cause I just won't let go 'til we both see the light  
> And I have nothing else left to say  
> But I will listen to you all day, yes I will
> 
> Friend, please remove your hands from  
> Over your eyes for me  
> I know you want to leave but  
> Friend, please don't take your life away from me
> 
> The characters in the following story belong to ABC.

In front of her friend's mansion, Emma was relentlessly banging at the door. The brunette was standing in the hallway, her hands covering her ears, trying to deaden the signs of the unwelcome presence. Every sound she heard, every move she made, every thought that crossed her mind was painful. After Emma had left the night before, her whole being seemed to have started screaming for help while she wouldn't. Any concept of day or night, time or space had eluded her. She felt confused, bare and broken, floating in the ocean of dismay her life had become lately. "Regina, open the door! I know you're here. We need to talk." Her brain failed to process every word that seeped through. She just knew it was Emma, and that she wanted to be left alone.

Swan was so focused on trying to reason with Regina that she had forgotten about her injury. But the sudden ache that struck her stomach made her drop to her knees. She let out a scream that startled the Queen out from her spiraling torments. The woman straggered towards the entrance and pressed her ear against the hard wood. She heard pants, she heard her friend's fingers scraping at the door for attention. Soon, a dreadful sense of urgency invaded her and she fixed her eyes on the handle. "Damnit, Regina, let me in! I need... h... help..."

Emma's relief was short-lived. The washed out figure she beheld on the threshold gave her chills. Regina's expression was blank. The worn-out make up on her face echoed the tears her crumpling psyche had been crying. The Mayor extented a scrawny hand to help her up and took a few steps back, staring at the blood-stained tank top. There is was, right above the hip. Without a word, she approached her friend and placed her hand on the sensitive flesh.

"Look at me," she said to the blonde.

Emma simply nodded and met her gaze. As the soothing light that warmed her skin alleviated her suffering, she realised that the comfort she felt reached farther than the mere soreness her body had gone through. The intensity she witnessed in Regina's eyes, the energy she summoned to ease her pain moved her very heart, her very soul. Her instincts kicked in. She wanted more. She leaned in closer, causing Regina to lower her eyes for a split second before faltering in her arms.

"I got you. Hold on. I got you."

"I... I'm ok. It's my fault, I haven't done this in a while. It's you I'm worried about. How did this happen?"

"We'll think about it later. Just stop lying to me. I think you need help. And I know exactly where to start." She grasped the belt of her dark blue robe and pulled it loose.

"W... What do you think you're doing?" the brunette stammered, crossing her arms to prevent the silken fabric from exposing the truth.

"Show me."

"Emma, you're out of your mind... I..."

"Show me!"

Mouth agape, Regina slowly surrendered to her friend's demand. Emma's eyes grew wide and she couldn't suppress the gasp of horror that escaped her lips. It was far worse than she had expected. How long had she let this be? The wounded flesh was begging for care.

"God, why didn't you heal yourself?"

"Look, I have my reasons..."

"The hell with that! See that stab wound you've just healed? I dreamt about it. I dreamt of you. I was you. On the seafront. This man... He attacked you."

"Yes but I... I don't want to talk about it."

"Have you taken a good look at yourself in the mirror lately?"

Regina chuckled bitterly.

"What's so funny about that?"

"Oh, it's not funny at all..."

"Look at you, hovering like a ghost in the middle of the afternoon."

"Really Emma, this is none of your business."

"Will you just shut up and listen to me!" she shouted, forcefully grabbing the Mayor's wrists. "I won't let you destroy yourself. Not again. This bastard needs to pay. You need help. You're obviously confused. I'm not giving you a choice."

Regina froze when she realised Emma wouldn't let go. Images flashed back hard in her mind, causing her to shudder more than she would allow.

"Let me go, Emma..."

The blonde was still holding her firmly, forbidding her to break free.

"I said let me go. You have no idea what I'm capable of..."

The threatening tone Emma used to associate with this specific sentence gave way to something far more distrubing. Regina was scared. Terrified even. Her chest was now heaving madly. A shade of purple crossed her eyes and she abruptly shoved the Saviour, who tried her best to soften her words.

"Listen, you're not driving me away this time."

"Believe me, you don't want to stay around right now."

That was it, Emma just snapped for good and pinned her against the wall, causing Regina to whimper in pain. The blonde stopped for a second, startled by her own reaction. But it seemed there was no other way to get her friend's full attention.

"Look at me," she ordrered.

Regina squeezed her eyes shut in response, angling her head to the side. Her entire body was animated by her need to get free from Emma's grip. She was too tired to weigh the consequences, too far gone to grasp the thought that her friend was actually trying to help. She crooked her fingers, ready to conjure fire, but before she could act upon it, Swan slammed her hands against the wall, magic sealing her intention. She didn't care about the Queen's wrath being unleashed. She didn't care about the venomous words she spat. The naked body facing hers was crying out for help and she would oblige. Whatever the cost. Mimicking the brunette's soothing gesture, she placed her palm over the aching flesh and willed her healing power free.

"Regina Mills, you're better than this. Look at me!"

The energy that was eating through the woman's skin was enough to crack her eyes open, but her brain was still searching for purpose.

"Breathe and focus, breathe and focus," Emma repeated, inviting the Mayor to follow her lead.

Regina clenched her jaw and finally locked eyes with her. The chaos that the blonde could read in there was alarming. The need to tend to her very needs was paramount. She pressed her body further against hers to make her better understand. The overwhelming feeling than ran through the Queen's veins was akin to pleasure, reaching far in the depths of her shattered frame. She was on the verge of surrendering herself to the Saviour when a sudden burst of light pulled them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your time and your kind words! See you next week for chapter 5 :)


	5. Broken Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! I've been a bit tied up lately. There you go for chapter 05 :)
> 
> **Suggested song : Broken Glass, by The Gathering, 2003**
> 
> Strange vibe  
> circles round  
> Tries to comfort  
> buzzing sound  
> Form an arrow  
> point at us  
> We the target  
> are the one  
> Drop yourself  
> in the grass  
> Breathe the air  
> at last  
> Hold on tight  
> Don't fall down  
> Breathe the air  
> through the water  
> Form an arrow  
> point at us  
> We the target  
> are the one  
> Place your bet  
> on the best  
> The fastest horse  
> you can find  
> Drop yourself  
> in the grass  
> Breathe the air  
> at last  
> Hold on tight  
> Don't fall down  
> Breathe the air  
> through the water 
> 
> The characters in the following story belong to ABC.

"It didn't work," Emma uttered, helplessly watching her hands.

"No, it didn't," the brunette sternly replied, fastening the silken belt around her waist. "I told you, I have my reasons."

"Fine! Then I'll find a way to contact Henry. Maybe he'll manage to clear the shit out of your head!"

"Don't you dare bring my son into this!" Regina cried out, obvious threat in her voice. "He wouldn't understand. I think no one can."

"This... What you're doing. It's suicide. I think you're depressed. I'm calling the hospital."

The Mayor frowned in denial. "You don't know what you're talking about. This is my choice..."

"Oh yeah? Watch me!"

"Wait..." Regina interrupted, trying to regain composure.

She reached out to Emma, while her other hand rested instinctively on her stomach. The blonde took a step forward. After a few seconds spent without any of them attempting to break contact, Swan brought Regina's hand close to her chest.

"Talk to me," she said softly.

"I can't..."

As her friend gently tightened her hold, Regina felt tears build in her eyes. She wouldn't have the power to hold back this time.

"C'mere," Emma offered, wrapping her arms around her in a comforting hug.

Releasing the pressure she had been enduring for so long, the Queen found herself letting the Saviour try to take it away, ever so slightly. Emma's presence was a relief in itself. It always had been. But her resolve was stronger than reason, deeply rooted in her core. She inhaled sharply and brought back some distance between them. Swan cupped her face and traced her thumb over her cheek before inviting her to have a seat by her side on the couch.

At that point, Emma had gathered that words were not necessary. So they just sat there, side by side, their heads thrown back up againt the backrest, staring at nothing. After a while, she tentatively brushed her fingers over Regina's. The Mayor closed her eyes and simply took her friend's hand in her own. When she finally squeezed a little, Emma knew their silent conversation was over.

"You should get some rest. Let me take you to your room."

Regina shook her head, still avoiding looking at the blonde. "Stay."

"I'm not going anywhere. Let me fetch a blanket."

The brunette nodded and loosened her grip. When Emma went back downstairs, she had already drifted off. She tiptoed to the couch and spread out the blanket to protect her from the cold. She couldn't help but smoothly brush a lock of dark hair behind the woman's ear as she sat back next to her. Regina stirred and softly mumbled, "How come you are always there when I need you the most?"

Emma's heart skipped a beat. She simply pulled her close and Regina found herself resting her head on her friend's lap.

"Sleep tight. I'll be there when you wake up."

Emma lightly ran her fingers through her hair, the Queen's even breathing lulling her to sleep.

_______________________________

"Emma if you wanted to congratulate me on my apple pie, you could hav..."

Swan woke up to the sound of Regina's voice. She was talking in her sleep. Emma protectively cradled her shoulders as discomfort seemed to have taken hold of her friend's thoughts.

"What are you doing?" the Mayor trailed off.

"Shh, go back to sleep. I'm here."

"Talk to me! What did I ever do to you?" Her voice trembled more and more. Her breathing had become erratic. All of a sudden, she sat up straight and faced Emma, who was still trying to figure out what to make of her distress. A rapid flash of light caught the blonde's attention. Her friend was holding the dagger she had seen in her dream.

"I can make it right..."

"Regina, can you hear me?" Emma asked, slowly reaching for the hand that threatened to inflict yet another blow.

"Never."

Regina's knuckles whitened as her fingers closed harder around the hilt. She pointed the knife inwards, aiming at her own chest, a dark smile curling her lips. Emma attempted to grab the weapon but cut her palm in the process. The moan that ensued had Regina pause for a second, arching her brow.

"Look at that. It seems that you're hurt, Your Majesty."

The look of pride in the Queen's expression made the blonde's skin crawl. She came to her feet and tried to talk her friend back to reality one last time, to no avail. As Regina hardened the pressure on her throat, they vanished altogether.

In the dead of night, the two women appreared on the sea front, mere inches from the wooden bench. The merciless cold that instantly filled their lungs caused Regina to gasp as she tried to get her breathing under control. She watched her hands in horror, taking in the scenery that had haunted her for days. She didn't register Emma's presence right away. Instead, she dropped to her knees and darted her eyes in every direction, apparently looking for something.

"No, no, no! I'm sorry. Come back. I didn't mean it. What the hell is wrong with me!" she cried, as her fists violently hit the ground.

"I'm right here," Emma softly said.

Regina started at the sound of the familiar voice. "You... You were here the whole time? I'm sorry, I lost control. I was in so much pain. He... I need to pay for my sins, Emma."

The blonde crouched and cupped her cheek. "Listen, we were at your place. You were having a bad dream and I couldn't wake you up. I've just brought us here. Whatever you saw, it's not real."

The brunette looked down at her night clothing and slowly started to come to. She then turned to her friend and her eyes widened as she caught sight of her blood-covered hand.

"This is real."

"I'm alright," Emma answered as she soothed her wound with her free hand. "Regina, you tried to hurt yourself. I had to stop you."

The Queen's eyes welled up in tears, her sobs breaking the deafening silence. "I killed him."

Swan narrowed her eyes, extending her hand to help Regina up.

"The man who attacked me. I killed him. I made him disappear. I don't know what came over me..."

"There. Come sit with me."

"No... This place is..." Her hands burrowed into her dark hair, struggling to rip away the fear and confusion that kept flooding her mind. "Bring me home, Emma..."

The blonde took her arm and brought her close, searching her eyes. "We will get through this. It's not your fault. You did what was necessary to survive. I would have done the same," she tried.

"He wanted revenge. I don't know what I did to him but he wanted me dead. I should have let him finish the job. I'm a failure. I'm not worth saving. I should have known better."

"Stop blaming yourself. Just try to focus. Who is this man?"

Regina frowned as she attempted to gather her thoughts, shivers running down her spine. "I don't know. I can't recall seeing him before."

"That's alright, we'll find a way. What's odd is that no one went missing in the past few days. When did this happen?"

"Three weeks ago. On my way back from our family dinner."

Putting aside the thought of her friend suffering for so long, she gently slid her fingers at the back of her head, lowering it against her shoulder. "Regina, listen very carefully and try to remain calm."

"What is it?" she whispered, leaning into her touch.

"You never went to that dinner."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thanks for all your kind words. Only one chapter to go. SQ hotness ahead!**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting chapter 3 today as well. See you next week for chapter 4.
> 
> Feel free to leave comments!
> 
> Cheers :)


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